All This Just to Post A Comment?

2008-07-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

So I was driving "up north" two weekends ago and we stopped at a rest area to have a smoke when we noticed there are quite a few sheriff's vehicles across the hwy. A guy friend with us says to the patrolman that comes over "What'd you lose somebody?" and the patrolman answers back "Actually yeah, we had a double drowning today."

Insert foot in mouth.

http://kstp.com/article/stories/S491627.shtml?cat=1

So we're on our way back from "up north" and we pass an anti-abortion billboard to which this same friend exclaims, "If you're going to put up a billboard like that, you might want to use a picture of a cute baby. I mean it looks like that thing has down syndrome." to which we replied, "He does have down syndrome".

How does your foot taste?

Updates

2008-06-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

I went to Seattle in May. It was pretty much awesome. Thanks WA State

My car broke twice since my last post. Total cost = $3055.00. Thanks GM

I have a co-worker conviced I'm half Mexican. Thanks Mom.

I have a new hair color. Thanks Mandi

I lost the ring I bought in Seattle in a half cow shit, half mud puddle on Sunday. Thanks Joe

My tummy is full. Thanks Potbelly's

No but really though.

Life has been kind of wierd for the past 6 months. I think I have learned a lot and made some mistakes that were worth making because of how I have grown. I've had to cut a few people out of my life. It's been really hard but I think I'm coming to realize that I'm worth more than I thought I was. It's amazing what a little respect for yourself will do.

This is my Secret

2007-12-30T08:21:00.001-08:00

2007-09-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

2007-08-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

Here's a little game I like to call "It's been how long?!"

The last time they posted is:

A Diva 12/06/2006
Babies 07/31/2007
Bitches 08/14/2007
Data Queen 08/15/2007
DDOI 08/15/2007
Durham Township Photos 08/12/2007
Family Quickert 08/15/2007
Family Quickert In-Law 08/11/2007
Family Rundquist 05/13/2007
GrocerJack 05/01/2007
JLP 08/15/2007
Little Miss 12/11/2006
Madmartigan 07/21/2006
Maurice 08/15/2007
Mrs. R 08/14/2007
Ochuck 08/13/2007
Overheard-NY 08/15/2007
Overheard-Office 08/15/2007
Post Secret 08/12/2007
The Grundi 08/14/2007
The Sneeze 08/15/2007
The Snowsuit Effort 02/05/2007
TPWK 08/14/2007

2007-04-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

My favorite quote from Overheard in Minneapolis:

Uptown girl: Someone keyed my car at the Wedge because of my Bush/Cheney bumpersticker.

Longfellow Hippy: How do you know it was because of that?

Uptown girl: Because they keyed the side and then continued with an arrow pointing to the sticker.

2007-04-18T08:49:00.001-07:00

I push open the front door. Man, it's cold out here today. I can feel the moisture on my lips freezing every time I breath out. I watch the ground as I walk and notice the shadow that falls diagonally on the maroon carpet that covers the deck outside the apartment building. Who would put carpet on cement. Outside. In Minnesota. As I reach the steps I can see the cement showing through. Gosh that looks pathetic. I wonder if they'll replace it. I avoid those spots as I take each step. My feet are slow today. I guess though, not much slower than they are every other day I leave to go to work. Jeez, It's really cold out today. I take a left when I reach the bottom. Past the bushes that line the stairs and past the old wooden sign that names the apartment building. Didn't that sign used to have a phone number listed. It probably fell off. Everything is falling apart here. I look to my right as I hear the sound of an old car behind me. I know it's old because it sounds like old people would have if they were cars. It's the sound of something that's spent too much time on this earth. I wish I still had my Camaro. Man I loved that car. I remember it looked mad after I crashed it. The front end bent down in a snarl. If I ever get a chance I'll get another one. I reach the corner and plan out where I will be able to cross the street. The sun hits my eyes but I don't raise my hand to shield them. I cross the side street and move into a shadow. It's still really cold. I shift down to the middle of the block until I'm directly across from my car. I pull my keys from my purse and slid them into my pocket. Maybe I should get a parking spot in the garage next year. Ah, forget it. I can't afford it. Two cars from the right and one from the left and then you're clear. I take my time crossing 1st avenue while I push the unlock button on the key less entry keypad. Why does this stupid thing never work when I push it. I reach my car door just as a midsized sedan rushes past me. Speed a little more, dumb-ass. I climb in the car and pull on the inside handle. Well, it's not any warmer in here. I put the key in the ignition and feel the vibration of the engine turning. I make sure the defrost is set how I like it and I turn down the radio. You left it turned up again. You gotta remember to turn that down. That's probably why the stereo sounds funny. I close my eyes for a minute and try to shut out the cold. I lean my head back and then remember to re-lock my doors. I pull my head forward and take a look out the windshield. I see him with his white cane and his backpack. He's reached the corner. I tilt my head to see if any cars are coming up behind me. I know he's listening for them. That's gotta be hard. I wonder if you get super human hearing if you're blind. As I look back up I see him take that first step off of the curb and at the same time I notice the car coming toward him from the opposite direction. Oh Shit! I see him reel back when he finally hears the car and I can feel the fear and see it on his face. I wonder if he knows he looks scared. It took 15 seconds for him to regain his courage but I can see in the way he finally crosses the street that he's not as confident as he first was when he reached the intersection. Dammit, why is life like that. I can't stand the way his face looked. Every time we step out and think we'll make it across something comes along and nearly kills us making it harder to try to get across again.

2007-04-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

So I spent Saturday with my mom and we had a conversation.

She told me that there was a intersting development with one of her online friends. His name is Tamer, or at least that's how she pronounces it. She has been chatting wth him for about a year and they also talk on the phone. Here is the discussion as I remember it.

Mom- So Tamer asked me to marry him.

Me- Oh Yeah? What did you say?

Mom- I said he would have to ask my kids first.

Me- Ha! Nice. So, wait, who is he?

Mom- I met him online we've been talking for about a year with the web cam and on the phone and stuff.

Me- How did you guys meet?

Mom- Well, I was in a Spanish chat room just watching the conversation to try to learn and he came in as a women and asked if I would have sex with him.

Me- What did you say?

Mom- Well, I of course was like "What? A woman just asked if I wanted to have sex with her?!" So I said no and then he said that he was really a man and so we just started talking. And he also apologized for asking because he's not really supposed to do that anyway because it's against his religion.

Me- What religion is he?

Mom- He's Muslim.

Me- So where is he from?

Mom- He's from Egypt. He lives there now. He's 24 and really cute. Here look at his picture.

Me- You do realize he's a year younger than me right?

Mom- Yeah, I know that. We just get along so well. He really seems older.

Me- Hey, remember when you're still married?

Mom- I know, he just wants his papers anyway. He'd probably leave after 10 Years.

Me- Doesn't he want to have kids and stuff?

Mom- Yeah, that's the other thing because we talked about that and he said that he would want another wife to have kids with and I told him that would not be okay with me and he would have to wait until I was dead.

Me- Well that's probably not a bad deal cuz if you live til you're like 82 then he would still only be like 54 and he could marry again and shoot out a few.

Mom- It's just nice to talk to him. He's won't let me hang up until he says "Take care of yourself. Watch what you eat and I love you." He's also said he wants to take care of me and my children. He likes it when I tell him that I am spending time with you guys.

Me- Well, that's sweet.

2007-04-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Read the previous post first if you haven't already:

"I know, you're right. And I'm just bad at making changes. (Unless of
course they're self destructive. Then I have no problem. Go figure, huh?)
Yeah, you're right.
I don't know how to connect any more, I think that's the problem. I
supposed it will take some time? I'll consider it.
I'm seeing her again tomorrow. I'll ask her to go to one with me.
I don't deserve to have you as a friend Michael, thank you for taking time to
talk to me.
Shae"

"Shae!
Postive changes can be tough; the negative ones are much easier--following old habits is much simplier...
Of course, you know how to connect with God--you have done it many times. We just fall out of habit in talking with God, reading about God, or spending time with him; in many cases because we start to focus on other habits. You know this...
Don't deserve me as a friend...please! Who is to say I deserve you as a friend? This is what friends do, right? Right.
Take care you,
Michael"

2007-04-05T06:53:00.000-07:00

So I thought I'd try something new on this blog. It's a little something I like to call

"Just be F*cking Honest"

Here's an email conversation I've been having the past couple of days. I've changed some names to protect the innocent.

"Hey,
I think I need to apologize for an early morning phone call on Sunday. I
checked my phone when I woke up on Sun. and saw that I called you (and
others) I actually don't remember calling so I'm kind of (a lot)
embarrassed and sorry. Please don't hate me.
Shae"

"I don't respond to drunken callers!!! :)
Stay off the sauce...you worry me! -Michael"

"I worry me too. I'm stopping. Thanks for not hating me ;)"

"Are you really? You do need to stop...so does Jack. You should call him!
He is starting to go to AA again--maybe you could go together. :)
No hate here, only love!
Michael"

"Yeah, I don't like who I am when I drink and I can't seem to control it so
I have to get some help. I've been talking to Sarah a lot lately and
she said that she would go with me to some meetings maybe. I get kinda
scared thinking about it though. And I don't know if I would actually
label myself an alcoholic but I do know that I have compulsion issues with
certain things so, we'll see. "

"Shae!
It is good that you can admit that you can't control it. You are not "you"
when you are like that. That is good you are talking to Sarah; I had
forgotten that she struggled with Alcholism. What do you mean maybe? Will
she or will she not go with you? :) What about going with Jack? Bad idea?
Are the meetings mixed-sex?
Don't be scared--God has brought you to this point for a reason; you need
to deal with this now. Don't wait...don't wait. Do you remember when you
were scared to lead a small group? How did that turn out? Pretty damn well
if I do recall.
Alcoholic? Do you have trouble limiting your drinks? Do you have trouble
stopping once you get past a certain point? Do you crave the taste? What
do you do when you have trouble in your life--drink? Do you really think
it is just a compulsion manifesting itself through the drinking of
alcohal? Questions! :)
Shae, you can do this, and God will certainly help you...
That is my sermon for the day. Sorry!
Michael"

"She has said that she will go with me. I just have to make myself go. I'm
pretty sure that most of the meetings are mixed but I don't know that I
would feel comfortable trying to go with Jack. If I'm being really honest
I think that he's just too green/volatile/unsteady right now? (don't get
me wrong I love him and hope the best for him but he makes me nervous in
that way) Does that make sense?
I know I have to do something. Yeah, I kinda kicked ass at leading small
group huh. Whatever, that's so not how I feel. I feel so far from the
person I was at that point in my life. Before Monday I hadn't talked to
God or read anything remotely related to God in months. I just feel
disappointed in myself. Oh my gosh, cry me a river. Sorry.
Yeah, okay, I get it, I have a problem with alcohol. I know that, but
maybe I justify it by being like well I'm not as bad as this person or
that person so I'm okay. And for me it's not just alcohol it's lots of
different things. That's why I think I'm apprehensive to label myself, you
know?
Don't say sorry, I like your sermons. And thank you.
Shae"

"Ra-shae!
It is good that you recognize that it is other things as well--not just the booze. It is tough not to compare to other people's level of addiction and think that you are not as bad as them. It is somewhat comforting to do so, but it is an excuse to not take action. Do you think it matters where others are at if you know that you have a problem with where you are at? It is a scary label, but God has the power to take that label away from you if you will take the small steps now...
It does not matter how you feel--the fact is you did do well as a small group leader. I point that out because that was an example of how you took on something that scared the hell out of you and you moved forward anyway and it worked out. Right? Am I right? thank you.
The main point is that you need to connect with God again so that he can begin working with you to make the changes that you desire. Maybe we can go to Church sometime. Consider it.
Yes, your comments about Jack make complete sense. Sorry I didn't see that.
Take the small step of commiting to go to one meeting with Sarah--that is all you are doing at this point.
See ya,
Michael"

2007-03-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

What I should have said:

Look who's meowing now.

2007-02-13T11:59:00.000-08:00

You know what I was just thinking about:

What a great show, huh?

Mommy Dearest

2007-02-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

Jobs Mother has held (or at least the ones I can remember):

Land Lord
Daycare Provider
Professional Picture Framer-MIchaels
Professional Picture Framer-The Great Frame Up
Independent Picture Framer
Gift Tag Maker
Foster mom
Customer Service Rep-Blue Cross
Customer Service Rep-Medica
Waitress-The Mediterranean Cruise
Waitress-The Cracker Barrel
Online Advertisement Checker
Goods Transporter-potentially
Mexican Property Owner-potentially
Mexican Mafia-not verified but, I have my suspicions.
Dried Flower Wreath Maker
Cashier at a Vitamin Shop
Sleepoverer at Alzheimer's Home
Sleepoverer at Group Home
Cabbie for a Pilot- while he was in town.

Kels-Can you think of anymore?

A Conversation with Mommy Dearest

2007-02-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

(ring, ring)

Me: Hey. What's up?

Mum: I got a phone interview tomorrow. I'll call you after to let you know how it went.

Me: Sweet that's awesome, cause you need to get out of customer service.

Mum: Yeah, I do and you know what else I'm going to be doing?

Me: What's that?

Mum: Well, I'm going to be transporting stuff into Mexico for people up here.

Me: What? What kind of stuff?

Mum: Drugs... Ha. Ha. Just kidding! It would be like stuff people here want to send to their family's down there. Like computers and stuff.

Me: Why? Would you be driving?

Mum: Because I can make money. And when people up here try to send stuff to Mexico it gets stolen. No, I would be flying.

Me: Stolen by who?

Mum: By the postal workers and stuff, or people get raided when they're transporting it.

Me: I don't think that's a good idea. What if you get kidnapped?

Mum: I won't get kidnapped. I have friends who tell me where to go and where not to go.

Me: I'm just saying what if you're down there and you start getting comfortable and you turn around and bam. You're stolen. And then they call us asking for Ransom, and we all know, we ain't got that kinda cash.

Mum: Well, you could sell that new T.V. I bought.

Me: But, what if they're stolen goods. I mean how do you know it's not stolen stuff? Or what if that computer is stuffed with drugs or money or something and you get stopped at the airport and you go to jail. You wouldn't like jail.

Mum: Oh, Stop freaking out.

Me: Why can't you just be...

Mum: What, normal?

Me: Well, yeah.

Mum: You're not normal.

Me: What!? Yes I am. I'm more normal than you.

Mum: Yes, but you're the least normal of all my children.

Me: Well that's true. Look would you just be careful? Can you bring mace or something with you?

Mum: Yeah, I can do that. I could also take some Martial Arts classes.

Me: Just bring some mace but you can't carry it on you have to check it.

Mum: Okay. I'll call you tomorrow after my interview.

Me: K. Love you, bye

Mum: Love you too. Bye.

2007-02-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

I Am The Messenger By Markus Zusak

RRR

I like the way this book started out. Little bit of action. Little bit of mystery. Little bit of humor. I believe he stayed consistent throughout the book. I didn't loose my place much or get confused and have to re-read any portion of the book. It was easy to comprehend. A little bit of thinking involved but I didn't get a headache from it either. I liked the characters in the book. They had enough personality. The reason I give it a RRR The ending wasn't fair. She gave in way too easily and I think the ending was a cop out. It was the easy way out.

(R-I can't believe I read this one all the way through RR-I'm really bored, maybe I could stomach to read this one again RRR-It didn't change my life but it was worth having to get out of my car to purchase RRRR-I wonder if it would be appropriate to name my first born after the main character RRRRR-Damn, I'm going to super glue this book to my hands so I never have to put it down)

2007-01-26T07:11:00.000-08:00

I bought two new books last night, I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak:

And, What I loved by Siri Hustvedt:

2007-01-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

I want an Oompa Loompa.

I want it now.

Have you ever stolen anything from work? How about anything of value? Here's my story.

I used to take home "Gravy" at this one place I worked. Basically, it's stealing (usually in small amounts) but in a very sly and untraceable way. I did it for a very long time (and yet have nothing to show for it). I'm not proud of it but it's the truth. Best part is: a few months after I stopped (due to moral issues), I got "taken off the schedule" because they thought I stole a big chunk of money at one time (I really didn't take it that time). I was so insulted that they thought I was that stupid I almost used "Gravy" as a defense like: "I wouldn't have just taken the money, I would have done it this way, and have done it this way. D-bags."

2007-01-15T11:28:00.000-08:00

Desert Places
Robert Frost

Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast
In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.

The woods around it have it—it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs.
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The loneliness includes me unawares.

And lonely as it is, that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it will be less—
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars—on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.

2007-01-11T09:26:00.000-08:00

It is very unfair to judge any body’s conduct, without an intimate knowledge of their situation. Nobody, who has not been in the interior of a family, can say what difficulties of any individual of that family may be. -Emma in Emma, Jane Austen

2007-01-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

My dad is one of the sweetest men I've ever known.

Here's why:

My grandparents had 6 kids:

Jim
Bill
Scott
Dave (my Papa)
Don
And then came Nancy, poor, sweet, outnumbered, Nancy.

Now, I don't have the time or the energy to tell all of the great things these brothers did to her growing up but you can imagine that if it's funny now it was probably, at least, very annoying to her back then. (Just a few quick ones: They used to roll her up in a big piece of carpet and leave her. She was scared to leave her room for fear of one of the boys giving her a heart attack by jumping out at her and just for good measure, once, she got shot in the face with a bee bee gun.)

Because she was the youngest (by at least four years) and the only girl, she also got left out a lot, or that’s what my dad says.

So, what has he done to deserve the "Sweetest Brother in the World" award?

He called all the brothers, the one in Wis., the one who never shows up for anything, the one who really doesn't have time because he's taking care of his wife/family, and the one who really only thinks about himself and told them that the Saturday after Valentine’s day they are all going to take Nancy out to have dinner and maybe some dancing.

And it's a surprise.

Awwwwwwwwww.

2007-01-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

I had a thought chain today:

Tomorrow is the one year aniversary of her abortion.

Didn't Tony's girlfriend have one once.

That means I would have been an aunt when I was like 8.

If he had had that child and then had married his wife and had three girls like he has now that would almost be like how our family was.

I wonder what his other sibling(s) are like. I wonder if he would like them if he got to know them.

I'm glad he knows us and not them, instead of knowing them and not us.

2006-12-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

I do miss him. I just can't be the one to call or to email or to visit.

I don't know where he went and I don't know why.

It doesn't make me feel any better to hear things like that. Someday maybe, but, we're so different; he’s so far above me and I don't deserve anything like that. He deserves so much more than anything I can offer. And we want different things from life. And I wouldn't want to give up myself because then would I be happy enough to be with someone like him. I'm boring and I worry a lot and I'm co-dependant and I'm irresponsible and sometimes I'm arrogant and I take people for granted and I manipulate and I lie sometimes and I'm a hypocrite and I just don't think that I could do it.

2006-12-21T09:36:00.000-08:00

I am Addicted. I love the lip balm. I love the hand salve. I love the almond milk hand creme. I love the cherry lip gloss. I love the lemon butter cuticle creme. I love burt's bees.

2006-12-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

A man does not learn very well, Mr. Robbins. Women, yes, because they are used to bending with whatever wind comes along. A woman, no matter the age, is always learning, always becoming. But a man, if you will pardon me, stops learning at fourteen or so. He shuts it all down, Mr. Robbins. A log is capable of learning more than a man. To teach a man would be a battle, a war, and I would lose. –The Known World

2006-12-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

What would you do if your name was:

Ruth Schwertfeger

Schwertfeger, people.

Come on.

2006-12-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

He was a handsome man, she said of Augustus. “I never lean toward exaggeration,” she said to Anderson. “So when I say he was a handsome man, he was indeed. Henry was, too, but he never got old enough to lose that boyish façade colored men have before they settle into being handsome and unafraid, before they learn that death is as near as a shadow and go about living their lives accordingly. When they learn that they become more beautiful than even God could imagine, Mr. Frazier.” -The Known World

2006-12-18T09:16:00.000-08:00

2006-12-11T11:38:00.000-08:00

This Postsecret post card made me think of one of my own secrets.

Sometimes I would get peirced to feel on the outside how I felt on the inside.

2006-12-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

Best compliment I've ever recieved:

"You make me a better man."

Best hug I've ever recieved:

It was moving day towards the end and my friend stopped me in the middle of the dining room and held me in a hug for awhile. I asked him what that was for and he said "no reason".

Best gift I have ever recieved:

When I turned five, on my golden brithday. I recieved a Cabbage Patch Kids Big Wheel.

2006-12-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

Today

I am a little jealous.

I am not quite sure how to say it to you.

I am bored of most things.

I am feeling lucky.

I am feeling abandoned.

I am going home.

I am standing still.

I am aware of the knot.

2006-11-27T10:44:00.000-08:00

I want to talk to you. Mostly cuz I'm bored but also because I'm in a bad mood.

She's kinda buggin me.

How can she act like that wasn't a d-bag move.

Why does she think that everything should just be the way it was. Maybe I don't want everything to be the same.

I don't want you to be in a bad mood. Unless you're going to insult me. I kinda need that right now.

2006-11-17T05:27:00.000-08:00

He is amazing.

I have gone to shows before where the artist sounds as good in person as they do on their CD. But never have I seen someone who sounds better. Rarely do I actually prefer the live version of any song.

Here's my problem. Have you ever gone to a concert you've been waiting a long time to see, paid more money than you can afford to (without making other sacrifices), made a time line on your blog for, only to have some stupid ass person (or people) sitting right behind you ruin basically the whole show because they have absolutely no regard/respect for the people around them.

Now, let me say this. The concert was held at the (historic and supposedly haunted) Fitzgerald Theater. When I see a concert at a venue where the main attraction besides the artist is alcohol, I expect to have noisy, rowdy, and generally annoying people in attendance beside me. This is pretty much a given. But, when the venue is a theatre I expect a level of maturity and respect for other concert goers. I did not pay something like $40 to have you talk through an entire concert. I came to hear the artist sing or play or whatever not to hear you singing along to every song. Maybe, and I can only offer a maybe, if you could add something to the song, singing harmony possibly, or if you have such a naturally fantastic voice that people actually stop what their doing to listen to you sing should you ever join in with an artist at a concert like this.

And another thing, what could you possibly need to talk about right now, you're hair? That's why you're ruining my night? That's why your annoying the people around you? Your talking about hair? And you're not even whispering about it. I commend the job your parents did in teaching you about respect for other people. It's nice to know you can be let out in public. Sometimes I hate our generation. And when I ask you nicely to stop or just keep your voice down don't get an attitude. I will turn around and hit you in the face. I will stab you in the jaw. (Da-ane)

2006-11-06T13:17:00.000-08:00

10 Days

Next Caller Please

2006-10-31T08:32:00.000-08:00

Me: Customer Service this is Shae; how can I help you?

Provider: Yes, I need to know if you will allow us to bill a global code for maternity care or if we must submit each date separately.

Me: Actually, you can bill the claims either way. Both would be eligible.

Provider: Really?

Me: Yes, that's what I'm showing in our system.

Provider: Are you sure because most other Large Insurance Companies don't allow that.

Me: That may be true for them but here at The Very Large Insurance Company we will accept both ways of billing for maternity care.

Provider: Really?

Me: Yup.

Provider: Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

Provider: Cuz, we could bill it either way; I want to make sure it is eligible with you however we will bill that.

Me: Yes, I'm sure. either way would be fine. It's up to you how you prefer to bill the services.

Provider: You know, I have the procedure code that we would want to bill if we bill it as global.

Me: ..........Do you want me to look that up to see if it would be eligible?

Provider: Oh, can you do that? That would be wonderful!

Me: Yeah, What's the code?

Provider: 53897

Me: Yeah, that code's fine to bill.

Provider: Oh, thank you.

Me: Yeah, take care.

2006-10-31T08:27:00.000-08:00

16 Days Left.

2006-10-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

2006-10-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

I got a new job.

2006-10-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

29 Days Left

2006-10-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

2006-10-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

I was thinking last night.

Why the hell do people shake hands. What a weird thing to do. "Hey, the next person I meet I'm going to interlock hands with them and then maybe sometimes move my hand up and down." What?

Who thought of that one.

2006-10-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you ask me things I know you're looking for an answer to give me a reaction.

Ex.

You: So, I told this Girl that I wouldn't be her boyfriend and now I won't get any free lunch from her. What do you think about that?

Me: I think you might be the most selfish person I've ever met.

You: What?! I can't believe you would say that!

Really. What kind of response were you looking for?

"I'm sorry, that must really hurt you. Deep, deep down inside. The fact that you can't get a free lunch from someone you are using is really disappointing isn't it? It's incredible that someone would think that was a selfish thing to say/do."

Oh, come on.

Don't ask if you don't want me to be honest. I will never be anything but honest with you, you should know that by now.

P.S.
Definition:
Passive-Aggressive:

: being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness)

Sometimes a method of dealing with stress or frustration, it results in the person attacking other people in subtle, indirect, and seemingly passive ways. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or intentional failure at doing requested tasks.

2006-10-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

Next Caller Please

2006-09-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

Me: Can I have your name please?

Caller: Do you want my name or my ID number?

Me: Your name.

Caller: Oh, Bob Jones.

Me: And what is your ID number then?

Caller: Is that my identification number or my group policy number?

Me: You're identification number.

Caller: Where is that?

Me: On your id card in the box labeled Identification Number.

Caller: Oh! Here we go.

2006-09-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

Growing up I had this stuffed lamb with a music box inside of it. The lamb was shaped like it was laying down in a green pasture or something along those lines. When I was upset, or especially tired, I used to put the stomach up to my ear and turn the key to make the music play. Along with every single note I could hear the clicking of the gears that made the music play.

You know when you're listening to music or people talking and you take your hands and cover your ears and then remove them real quick and repeat that over and over kinda fast you can hear the swish of you hands touching your ears and you can hear half a second of sound bites that are clear and half a second of sound bites that are muffled. I always likes the way that sounded.

I remember waking up sometimes when I wasn't in school and at about 10:00 in the summer the Sun would shine through the living room windows and onto the floor. I would go out there and lay in with my face down on the warm spot sometimes. We had brown (like Milk Chocolate) carpet that was kinda matted down in some spots. I used to like to run my hand through the pile from the cold spot to the warm spot created by the Sun.

2006-09-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

I remember better times.

I remember when he used to hold her.

I remember when they used to laugh at each others jokes.

I remember when she used to put her arms around him.

I remember when they used to pray with each other.

I remember when they used to sit down to have dinner with us.

I remember when they used to take weeks to find the right gifts for each other.

I remember what it felt like to be one of the few "real" families left.

I remember when we didn't have to fight about who was invited to who's birthday party.

I remember when they used to be able to be in the same room with each other.

I remember when I was little I used to think, "We may be poor, but at least we have parents who love each other."

2006-09-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find it hard to watch movies with little to no resolution. Is it just human nature to want things to be Finished. I saw half nelson at the Lagoon last night. (I do recommend) The movie was interesting, truly funny in parts, tense in others, but didn't always sway the way a typical Hollywood movie might. I liked that. I usually can guess what's going to happen or guess the ending to any movie I go see. It is rare but refreshing when the expected doesn't happen. Go see it, it's worth every penny.

2006-09-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

The Starsailor show was so great.

As we walked up to The Varsity, chatting away, we both realized at the same time that the lead singer of the band we were there to see walked past us and into the building. Then, later when I was outside smoking, the Keyboardist held the door for me when I went back inside. That was really nice of him.

If you are a fan of Starsailor, and I guess even if you have never heard them, you should know that they are as good, if not better, in person than they are on their CD. If you're going to purchase one Starsailor CD get Silence is Easy. It's the second CD they released and in my prideful opinion their best.

2006-09-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

As I was walking from my car to my apartment building last night I felt the mist in the air hitting my face and I had a thought like maybe this is what it feels like to be a vegetable.

I'm going to see Starsailor play tonite @ the Varsity.

I applied for a new job today.

I read 125 pages of a book last night. I'm going to have to go book shopping again sometime soon.

2006-09-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

So...

I own this now.

Merry Christmas.

2006-09-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

I don't want to pay that much for a gun.

I can't sleep anymore.

I kind of need you right now.

I don't like the silence.

I don't like the light.

I get itchy feet at night.

I'm still coughing.

I need to do the dishes and laundry.

I'm tired.

I'm really kind of still mad about the whole situation.

2006-09-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

A - AVAILABLE?: All the time.

B- BEST SPORT?: To watch: Curling

C - CRUSH? Who doesn't.

D - DOGS NAME?: Uno, but he's dead now.

E - EASIEST PERSON(s) TO TALK TO?: Noli

F - FAV. COLOR?: Right now, to look at, Green

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS?: Bears

H - HOMETOWN?: Lakeville

I - INSTRUMENT?: I'm currently trying to teach myself guitar.

J - FAVORITE JUICE?: Sometimes Grape.

K - KIND OF MUSIC?: All sorts, Right now, K.T. Tunstall and Panic at the Disco

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE?: Cleveland, OH: to see Phil Collins in concert.

M - MILK FLAVOR?: Chocolate and White mixed about 60 to 40

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS? One Way older brother, two sisters.

O - ONE WISH: That he wouldn't have to sell the house.

P - PHOBIA/FEARS?: Spiders.

Q - FAVORITE QUOTE?: "That's nice... That's real nice... No, that's 'Toys for Tots' nice!" -Byron

R - REASON TO SMILE? It's better than not smiling.

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: "Numb" -Sia

T- TIME YOU WOKE UP TODAY?: 6:25 am

U - UNKNOWN FACTS ABOUT ME?: Uh...

V - VEGETABLE YOU DON'T LIKE?: Does a mushroom count?

W - WORST HABIT?: Probably smoking.

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD?: Left Foot, Right Ankle twice, Left Wrist, Right Wrist Twice,

Y - YUMMY FOOD?: Right now, Salad-Lettuce, Sunflower seeds, Crunchy Chinese noodles, Walnuts, Cheese, Carrots, Cucumber, ranch dressing. Try it.

Z - ZODIAC/ASTROLOGY SIGN?: Pisces

2006-08-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

Kyle Wirth Sucks.

2006-08-25T11:16:00.000-07:00

I was listening to KDWB (I know, I know) this morning and they had the "World Famous" psychic Gary Spivey on. A man called in and wanted to know when he was going to die. He's been diagnosed (as I understand it) with AIDS. (not just HIV) Gary told him that He would live to be about 80. He predicted that they will have developed an AIDS "cure" in 2 to 3 years.

What a bold statement.

I had a couple of thoughts while listening. Why would you want to know when you're going to die? Why wouldn't you want to know when you're going to die. If someone asked you and you knew it was relatively soon, would you tell them? Do you think people would really spend their time differently on earth if they knew precisely when they would die? If you're Psychic, why not just "skip ahead" to the future and find out what the AIDS cure is and then give it to some scientist to make now? Or at least do some stock trading.

Next Caller Please

2006-08-25T07:12:00.000-07:00

Me: May I have your ID number, please?

Caller: My what?

Me: Your ID number, please?

Caller: Do you mean my identification number?

Me: Sure.

Define

2006-08-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

Shame:
1 : a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety
2 : a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute.

For me, there is no stronger feeling than shame. Anger can quickly fade. Happiness is fleeting. Loneliness is fixable. Sadness is relative. But shame can stick around a whole lifetime. It can motivate us to stay stagnate or it can motivate us to change. Have you ever felt shame so strong you wanted to end things. That it would be better to end it if only to be relieved of that awful feeling that tightens your everything inside. Or how about when you feel that you must do something to fix it. What if it is unfixable. What if it has been so long or so deep that you cannot regain the dignity you have lost because of what you have done. What if it is not your shame alone. I have seen and felt others shame and it hurts almost as much as if it were my own. I would take it sometimes to save the other. But I can't and no one can take mine.

2006-08-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

My pro football team (decided with the help of my mostly male co-workers) is now: The Detroit Lions. They were founded in 1930 in Portsmouth, OH. Their colors are blue and silver. They went the entire 2001, 2002 and 2003 seasons without a road victory, thus becoming the only team in NFL history not to win on the road for three consecutive entire seasons. The QB is John Kitna. I think he's new. They've got a new Head Coach, and Offensive and Defensive Coordinators. They won the first preseason game. Go Lions.

Oh, and Kyle Wirth is awesome. Really awesome. He was born with no emotions. And he is a Genius. And he is victorious with the ladies. And he is humble and that is his best quality.

A Letter

2006-08-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

The very first time I met you I knew that there was something about you that would not let me go. Captivated may be the word I'm looking for. I think it was the way you looked at me like we already had a secret to laugh about when no one else was around. You didn't say much, but then you never really do. I like to watch you, to study your face. You aren't very good at hiding what you are feeling. Everything you feel is so raw and it shows on your face when you speak. Maybe that's why you have to numb yourself.

I know that I don't mean as much to you as you do to me but with someone like you that doesn't matter much. Any piece of you lent to me is enough to sustain. For a while at least. Then it sets in. The feeling of being separated from you. To not be able to look at you and see that innocence that you still carry with you like a mother carries a child. Part of her.

Last night I could tell. I could feel the change. Your eyes darted from one thing to another. I was there but you didn't really see me. You weren't really there either though were you.

You looked me in the eyes and you said "If I make it, it will be because you believed in me." Please don't put that on me. I'm not strong enough. You won't fail. But it won't be because of me. It will be because you have finally realized what it is I see in you that you cannot.

2006-07-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

"Oliver epitomised what was wrong with their men: Plant the seed because the woman was willing; walk away from the consequences with a shrug. Indifference became the legacy that was passed along from father to son." -With No One as Witness

2006-07-10T13:57:00.000-07:00

We pulled up to the house a little after midnight. I asked her on the way there if she was okay. She huffed her usual "I'm fine." at me. So, I left her alone. I don't really see the need to push someone who doesn't want to be pushed. And as usual I got no return question. Just another conversation between best friends I guess.

I slowed the car to a stop making sure she had room to get out in between the cars. She shot a look of disbelief at me and then reached for the door handle. I used to be able to read certain looks from her. I think in the past year I have given up. I watched her turn and step onto the pavement. She swayed to the right to avoid the door and then used just enough force to slam the door and prove to me she was in fact not okay and that something was bothering her.

So I rolled down the window before she could reach the steps and shouted after her. "Are you mad at me." More of a statement that a question. "Are you pissed off?" After no response.

"Not pissed off but frustrated" Without turning to face me.

"Did I do something?" She turns to face me and heads back to the car without acknowledging my last question.

"Mary told me that you said you were still mad I was getting my own place and that you still think Jeff is going to move in with me. I thought we talked about this and you still don't believe me. I guess I'm mad because you think I'm lying when I'm not. This is why I don't tell you things. I said our friendship is hanging on by a thread before because of things like this." I can't look at her while she says this. It's all true. I don't really want to get into this at half past midnight but if this is the time she chooses then this is the time.

"First, yes, I said that to Mary because that is how I feel." Note to self: don't tell Mary anything ever again. "Second, I was drinking so anything I felt or said at that moment was magnified." Although it's still there. "Third, can you understand why it's a little hard to trust you?" Obviously not, if we're having this conversation.

"Why, because I didn't tell you we were fucking?" Nice choice of words.

"Well, yes, pretty much. In my world the omission of facts or hiding things from me or going and doing things behind my back in the house I live in is the same thing as lying. So, maybe you can understand why it's a little hard to trust you right now. I'm trying to trust you, but I don't let go of things easily. You should know that by now." I mean we are best friends right?

"I feel like we talked about this the other night and we were doing better now." Why because you called me twice to hang out after months of ignoring me even when in the same room as you? Sorry if I don't drop everything and jump for joy. "I feel like I try to call you and hang out but your always busy and you're never around to hang out with."

"I'm never here because I couldn't handle the way you've been treating me. I found other things to fill up my time and I'm trying to make time for you but it's hard when I haven't had to for so long." And quite frankly, don't really want to.

"You always make time for Karen. I mean you hang out with her like five times a week." So you're jealous?

"I hang out with her alot because she calls me every single day to say hi and see how I am doing." When's the last time you even asked if I was okay?

"So I'm supposed to do that?" Even if I said yes you wouldn't do it anyway. "I just want things to be how they were." And you think I don't.

"I don't think it can be the same. So what to you want to do? Wait it out? Do you have any suggestions on how to make things better?" Because really I am at a loss.

"..." If you're not going to say anything just get out.

"I guess I don't really don't know what to say." Because I don't see an easy way out of this.

She picked up her purse and pushed the door open. I could feel the hopelessness in the air. "Drive safe" she whispered. I watched her leave with out feeling much except for desperation.

Next Caller Please

2006-06-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

Me: Can I have your identification number?

Caller: I moved so I dont know what that is.

Me: Uh...

2006-06-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

I'm getting peirced on Saturday.

I really wish she would stop taking pills.

I'm actually having some fun at work today.

Still waiting on that letter.

I really don't like to repeat myself.

I said I really don't like to repeat myself.

Next Caller Please

2006-06-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

Me: Customer Service this is Shae How can I help you?

Caller: Yes...um...I need to know...um...what the address...is...um...and the phone number...of...um...where to send...um...my...um my payments...and is....um this...the number...um...where...I would...um...call...um...if I...um had questions...on my...um...........account.

Me: Yes, Who am I speaking with?

Next Caller Please

2006-06-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

Me: Customer Service. This is Shae. How can I help you?

Caller: Well, you can tell that guy who asked for my Id number to get a hearing aid.

Me: We probably wouldn't cover it anyway.

Caller: (Hysterical laughing.)

Next Caller Please

2006-06-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

Caller: I need to know if you will cover my prescriptions.

Me: Well, I actually show that your prescription benefits are administered by a different company called Express Scripts. To find out your coverage for a prescription you would have to call them at 1-800-555-1234.

Caller: Can you tell me what drugs would be eligible?

Me: No, you would have to call Express Scripts.

Caller: Can you do an authorization for my prescription?

Me: No, you would have to call Express Scripts.

Caller: Can you send me a prescription id card?

Me: No, you would have to call Express Scripts.

Caller : What's my id with them?

Me: I don't know you would have to call Express Scripts for that information.

Caller: What was that number?

Next Caller Please

2006-06-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

Caller: I need to know why you people won't cover my Viagra pills.

Me: Well sir, are you aware of the dispensing limit for Viagra. We are only allowed to reimburse you for 6 pills per month.

Caller: WHAT! 6 pills per month?!

Me: Yes sir that is correct.

Caller: God damn, Government is just trying to control how much sex us old people have.

2006-06-28T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am by nature the laziest person I know.
I am afraid of most bugs.
I am easily hurt.
I am bored with everything.
I am easily distracted.
I am trying.
I am sore about it all.
I am scared for and of you.
I am not having fun anymore.
I am not capable of quitting.

2006-06-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

Life is unknown. But eternity is knowable. -Kathy Grunditz

Next Caller Please

2006-06-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

Caller: So we should have checked to see if we could go to the doctor before we went?

Me: Yeah, then you would have recieved in-network benefits and you wouldn't owe the $500.00 they are billing you for.

Caller: Oh.

Me: Well, was there anything else I can help you with.

Caller: No, I'm gonna go throw up.

Me: Okay, Have a nice day.

Next Caller Please

2006-06-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

Me: And what kind of outpatient surgery is she having?

Provider: Tubal Litigation.

Me: Hmm.

2006-06-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

I had a really bad dream last night/this morning. It was the kind that leaves you in a funk all day long. I was even scaring myself getting ready this morning. I couldn't look in any of my mirrors for fear of seeing something or someone standing behind me. Kind of hard to apply makeup when you can't see your face.

Next Caller Please

2006-06-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

Me: Well, Sir, was there anything else I can help you with today?

Caller: Not unless you're giving away somethin' for nothin'.

Me: Oh, yeah we don't do that here.

Next Caller Please

2006-06-20T14:35:00.000-07:00

Me: Customer Service this is Shae. How can I help you?

63 Yr. Old Caller: Yes I'm calling because I'm havin some trouble with my prostrate when I'm going potty.

Me: OooKaay.

Next Caller Please

2006-06-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

Caller: Yea, I got some questions on some claims.

Me: May I have your identification number?

Caller: Is that my identification number?

Me: Yup...

Next Caller please

2006-06-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

Caller: Yes, I am questioning coverage for one of them Gasper surgeries.

Me: Do you mean a Gastric Bypass surgery?

Caller: Yeah, I never know how to pronounce that.

2006-06-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

"God doesn't need to punish us. He just grants us a long enough life to punish ourselves."
-The Poisonwood Bible

2006-06-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am looking for apartments. This may be the most grown up thing I've had to do on my own.

Things are better with her. I think the talk was good. Sometimes she doesn't realize I am an actual person not just something you keep around to unleash your fury on.

I wish sometimes that I owned my own country so I could design an economic system completely devoid of money. It would work on a barter system.

I haven't received a letter back yet. I'm getting kind of scared.

Sometimes when I suffer, I like it. Maybe it's the growth that comes afterward.

We spent time with Dad yesterday. I was really sad afterward because when we left I realized he was all alone.

I'm teaching myself guitar. It's kind of hard because I don't know much.

I hope I'm not "That Friend". It really would be a shame.

I was told on Saturday that I am someone's heart. I cried.

One stimulating conversation and I'm naming our children. What do you think of Nona Louise?

Next Caller Please

2006-05-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

Me: Customer Service this is Shae. How can I help you?

Caller: Yes, I need to know who to talk to about a compound prescription (Rx).

Me: And what is your identification number?

Caller: XZblah blah blah

Me: Now I actually show on your policy that prescriptions go through Pharmacare.

Caller: Why would you make me give you my ID number if I have to call someone else?

Me: I needed to know what group you were under to know who handled your Rx policy.

Caller: Well, I could have just told you that.

Me: We handle Rx for some of your groups members so I still would have had to ask for that.

Caller: Ugh, just gimme that number.

Me: Okay, it's 1-800-564-6546.

Caller: I bet their not even open early.... You guys suck.

Next Caller Please

2006-05-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

Me: Those ID cards will be mailed to you in 5 to 10 business days.

Caller: Wow, that was quick.

Me: Yeah, it's a pretty simple process ...
Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Caller: Do you know how to make Flan?

Me: Uh...

2006-05-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

I wrote a letter on Monday to an old friend.

I didn't say much. Certainly didn't say what I wanted to.
I avoided any conversation about myself because I don't know if I can trust him again yet.
I feel like my loyalty has been broken because of someone else's choice. Now that he wants it back I'm not sure I'm ready to give it.
How do I preserve myself and still offer my friendship? Is it worth it to try to do this? What is friendship if one party is holding back?
I'm afarid to receive an answer and I'm afraid not to.

So here it is: My thought for the day: Where does the Goo go?

2006-05-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

Awe, The first post on a brand new blog. So full of potential isn't it? So Fresh and So clean.

So here it is: My thought for the day: Never buy Generic Triscut crackers. You will always be disappointed.