So I was driving "up north" two weekends ago and we stopped at a rest area to have a smoke when we noticed there are quite a few sheriff's vehicles across the hwy. A guy friend with us says to the patrolman that comes over "What'd you lose somebody?" and the patrolman answers back "Actually yeah, we had a double drowning today."

Insert foot in mouth.

http://kstp.com/article/stories/S491627.shtml?cat=1

So we're on our way back from "up north" and we pass an anti-abortion billboard to which this same friend exclaims, "If you're going to put up a billboard like that, you might want to use a picture of a cute baby. I mean it looks like that thing has down syndrome." to which we replied, "He does have down syndrome".

How does your foot taste?

Updates

I went to Seattle in May. It was pretty much awesome. Thanks WA State

My car broke twice since my last post. Total cost = $3055.00. Thanks GM

I have a co-worker conviced I'm half Mexican. Thanks Mom.

I have a new hair color. Thanks Mandi

I lost the ring I bought in Seattle in a half cow shit, half mud puddle on Sunday. Thanks Joe

My tummy is full. Thanks Potbelly's

No but really though.

Life has been kind of wierd for the past 6 months. I think I have learned a lot and made some mistakes that were worth making because of how I have grown. I've had to cut a few people out of my life. It's been really hard but I think I'm coming to realize that I'm worth more than I thought I was. It's amazing what a little respect for yourself will do.

This is my Secret

Here's a little game I like to call "It's been how long?!"

The last time they posted is:

A Diva 12/06/2006
Babies 07/31/2007
Bitches 08/14/2007
Data Queen 08/15/2007
DDOI 08/15/2007
Durham Township Photos 08/12/2007
Family Quickert 08/15/2007
Family Quickert In-Law 08/11/2007
Family Rundquist 05/13/2007
GrocerJack 05/01/2007
JLP 08/15/2007
Little Miss 12/11/2006
Madmartigan 07/21/2006
Maurice 08/15/2007
Mrs. R 08/14/2007
Ochuck 08/13/2007
Overheard-NY 08/15/2007
Overheard-Office 08/15/2007
Post Secret 08/12/2007
The Grundi 08/14/2007
The Sneeze 08/15/2007
The Snowsuit Effort 02/05/2007
TPWK 08/14/2007

My favorite quote from Overheard in Minneapolis:


Uptown girl: Someone keyed my car at the Wedge because of my Bush/Cheney bumpersticker.

Longfellow Hippy: How do you know it was because of that?

Uptown girl: Because they keyed the side and then continued with an arrow pointing to the sticker.

I push open the front door. Man, it's cold out here today. I can feel the moisture on my lips freezing every time I breath out. I watch the ground as I walk and notice the shadow that falls diagonally on the maroon carpet that covers the deck outside the apartment building. Who would put carpet on cement. Outside. In Minnesota. As I reach the steps I can see the cement showing through. Gosh that looks pathetic. I wonder if they'll replace it. I avoid those spots as I take each step. My feet are slow today. I guess though, not much slower than they are every other day I leave to go to work. Jeez, It's really cold out today. I take a left when I reach the bottom. Past the bushes that line the stairs and past the old wooden sign that names the apartment building. Didn't that sign used to have a phone number listed. It probably fell off. Everything is falling apart here. I look to my right as I hear the sound of an old car behind me. I know it's old because it sounds like old people would have if they were cars. It's the sound of something that's spent too much time on this earth. I wish I still had my Camaro. Man I loved that car. I remember it looked mad after I crashed it. The front end bent down in a snarl. If I ever get a chance I'll get another one. I reach the corner and plan out where I will be able to cross the street. The sun hits my eyes but I don't raise my hand to shield them. I cross the side street and move into a shadow. It's still really cold. I shift down to the middle of the block until I'm directly across from my car. I pull my keys from my purse and slid them into my pocket. Maybe I should get a parking spot in the garage next year. Ah, forget it. I can't afford it. Two cars from the right and one from the left and then you're clear. I take my time crossing 1st avenue while I push the unlock button on the key less entry keypad. Why does this stupid thing never work when I push it. I reach my car door just as a midsized sedan rushes past me. Speed a little more, dumb-ass. I climb in the car and pull on the inside handle. Well, it's not any warmer in here. I put the key in the ignition and feel the vibration of the engine turning. I make sure the defrost is set how I like it and I turn down the radio. You left it turned up again. You gotta remember to turn that down. That's probably why the stereo sounds funny. I close my eyes for a minute and try to shut out the cold. I lean my head back and then remember to re-lock my doors. I pull my head forward and take a look out the windshield. I see him with his white cane and his backpack. He's reached the corner. I tilt my head to see if any cars are coming up behind me. I know he's listening for them. That's gotta be hard. I wonder if you get super human hearing if you're blind. As I look back up I see him take that first step off of the curb and at the same time I notice the car coming toward him from the opposite direction. Oh Shit! I see him reel back when he finally hears the car and I can feel the fear and see it on his face. I wonder if he knows he looks scared. It took 15 seconds for him to regain his courage but I can see in the way he finally crosses the street that he's not as confident as he first was when he reached the intersection. Dammit, why is life like that. I can't stand the way his face looked. Every time we step out and think we'll make it across something comes along and nearly kills us making it harder to try to get across again.

So I spent Saturday with my mom and we had a conversation.

She told me that there was a intersting development with one of her online friends. His name is Tamer, or at least that's how she pronounces it. She has been chatting wth him for about a year and they also talk on the phone. Here is the discussion as I remember it.

Mom- So Tamer asked me to marry him.

Me- Oh Yeah? What did you say?

Mom- I said he would have to ask my kids first.

Me- Ha! Nice. So, wait, who is he?

Mom- I met him online we've been talking for about a year with the web cam and on the phone and stuff.

Me- How did you guys meet?

Mom- Well, I was in a Spanish chat room just watching the conversation to try to learn and he came in as a women and asked if I would have sex with him.

Me- What did you say?

Mom- Well, I of course was like "What? A woman just asked if I wanted to have sex with her?!" So I said no and then he said that he was really a man and so we just started talking. And he also apologized for asking because he's not really supposed to do that anyway because it's against his religion.

Me- What religion is he?

Mom- He's Muslim.

Me- So where is he from?

Mom- He's from Egypt. He lives there now. He's 24 and really cute. Here look at his picture.

Me- You do realize he's a year younger than me right?

Mom- Yeah, I know that. We just get along so well. He really seems older.

Me- Hey, remember when you're still married?

Mom- I know, he just wants his papers anyway. He'd probably leave after 10 Years.

Me- Doesn't he want to have kids and stuff?

Mom- Yeah, that's the other thing because we talked about that and he said that he would want another wife to have kids with and I told him that would not be okay with me and he would have to wait until I was dead.

Me- Well that's probably not a bad deal cuz if you live til you're like 82 then he would still only be like 54 and he could marry again and shoot out a few.

Mom- It's just nice to talk to him. He's won't let me hang up until he says "Take care of yourself. Watch what you eat and I love you." He's also said he wants to take care of me and my children. He likes it when I tell him that I am spending time with you guys.

Me- Well, that's sweet.

Read the previous post first if you haven't already:

"I know, you're right. And I'm just bad at making changes. (Unless of
course they're self destructive. Then I have no problem. Go figure, huh?)
Yeah, you're right.
I don't know how to connect any more, I think that's the problem. I
supposed it will take some time? I'll consider it.
I'm seeing her again tomorrow. I'll ask her to go to one with me.
I don't deserve to have you as a friend Michael, thank you for taking time to
talk to me.
Shae"

"Shae!
Postive changes can be tough; the negative ones are much easier--following old habits is much simplier...
Of course, you know how to connect with God--you have done it many times. We just fall out of habit in talking with God, reading about God, or spending time with him; in many cases because we start to focus on other habits. You know this...
Don't deserve me as a friend...please! Who is to say I deserve you as a friend? This is what friends do, right? Right.
Take care you,
Michael"

So I thought I'd try something new on this blog. It's a little something I like to call

"Just be F*cking Honest"

Here's an email conversation I've been having the past couple of days. I've changed some names to protect the innocent.

"Hey,
I think I need to apologize for an early morning phone call on Sunday. I
checked my phone when I woke up on Sun. and saw that I called you (and
others) I actually don't remember calling so I'm kind of (a lot)
embarrassed and sorry. Please don't hate me.
Shae"

"I don't respond to drunken callers!!! :)
Stay off the sauce...you worry me! -Michael"

"I worry me too. I'm stopping. Thanks for not hating me ;)"

"Are you really? You do need to stop...so does Jack. You should call him!
He is starting to go to AA again--maybe you could go together. :)
No hate here, only love!
Michael"

"Yeah, I don't like who I am when I drink and I can't seem to control it so
I have to get some help. I've been talking to Sarah a lot lately and
she said that she would go with me to some meetings maybe. I get kinda
scared thinking about it though. And I don't know if I would actually
label myself an alcoholic but I do know that I have compulsion issues with
certain things so, we'll see. "

"Shae!
It is good that you can admit that you can't control it. You are not "you"
when you are like that. That is good you are talking to Sarah; I had
forgotten that she struggled with Alcholism. What do you mean maybe? Will
she or will she not go with you? :) What about going with Jack? Bad idea?
Are the meetings mixed-sex?
Don't be scared--God has brought you to this point for a reason; you need
to deal with this now. Don't wait...don't wait. Do you remember when you
were scared to lead a small group? How did that turn out? Pretty damn well
if I do recall.
Alcoholic? Do you have trouble limiting your drinks? Do you have trouble
stopping once you get past a certain point? Do you crave the taste? What
do you do when you have trouble in your life--drink? Do you really think
it is just a compulsion manifesting itself through the drinking of
alcohal? Questions! :)
Shae, you can do this, and God will certainly help you...
That is my sermon for the day. Sorry!
Michael"

"She has said that she will go with me. I just have to make myself go. I'm
pretty sure that most of the meetings are mixed but I don't know that I
would feel comfortable trying to go with Jack. If I'm being really honest
I think that he's just too green/volatile/unsteady right now? (don't get
me wrong I love him and hope the best for him but he makes me nervous in
that way) Does that make sense?
I know I have to do something. Yeah, I kinda kicked ass at leading small
group huh. Whatever, that's so not how I feel. I feel so far from the
person I was at that point in my life. Before Monday I hadn't talked to
God or read anything remotely related to God in months. I just feel
disappointed in myself. Oh my gosh, cry me a river. Sorry.
Yeah, okay, I get it, I have a problem with alcohol. I know that, but
maybe I justify it by being like well I'm not as bad as this person or
that person so I'm okay. And for me it's not just alcohol it's lots of
different things. That's why I think I'm apprehensive to label myself, you
know?
Don't say sorry, I like your sermons. And thank you.
Shae"

"Ra-shae!
It is good that you recognize that it is other things as well--not just the booze. It is tough not to compare to other people's level of addiction and think that you are not as bad as them. It is somewhat comforting to do so, but it is an excuse to not take action. Do you think it matters where others are at if you know that you have a problem with where you are at? It is a scary label, but God has the power to take that label away from you if you will take the small steps now...
It does not matter how you feel--the fact is you did do well as a small group leader. I point that out because that was an example of how you took on something that scared the hell out of you and you moved forward anyway and it worked out. Right? Am I right? thank you.
The main point is that you need to connect with God again so that he can begin working with you to make the changes that you desire. Maybe we can go to Church sometime. Consider it.
Yes, your comments about Jack make complete sense. Sorry I didn't see that.
Take the small step of commiting to go to one meeting with Sarah--that is all you are doing at this point.
See ya,
Michael"