We pulled up to the house a little after midnight. I asked her on the way there if she was okay. She huffed her usual "I'm fine." at me. So, I left her alone. I don't really see the need to push someone who doesn't want to be pushed. And as usual I got no return question. Just another conversation between best friends I guess.

I slowed the car to a stop making sure she had room to get out in between the cars. She shot a look of disbelief at me and then reached for the door handle. I used to be able to read certain looks from her. I think in the past year I have given up. I watched her turn and step onto the pavement. She swayed to the right to avoid the door and then used just enough force to slam the door and prove to me she was in fact not okay and that something was bothering her.

So I rolled down the window before she could reach the steps and shouted after her. "Are you mad at me." More of a statement that a question. "Are you pissed off?" After no response.

"Not pissed off but frustrated" Without turning to face me.

"Did I do something?" She turns to face me and heads back to the car without acknowledging my last question.

"Mary told me that you said you were still mad I was getting my own place and that you still think Jeff is going to move in with me. I thought we talked about this and you still don't believe me. I guess I'm mad because you think I'm lying when I'm not. This is why I don't tell you things. I said our friendship is hanging on by a thread before because of things like this." I can't look at her while she says this. It's all true. I don't really want to get into this at half past midnight but if this is the time she chooses then this is the time.

"First, yes, I said that to Mary because that is how I feel." Note to self: don't tell Mary anything ever again. "Second, I was drinking so anything I felt or said at that moment was magnified." Although it's still there. "Third, can you understand why it's a little hard to trust you?" Obviously not, if we're having this conversation.

"Why, because I didn't tell you we were fucking?" Nice choice of words.

"Well, yes, pretty much. In my world the omission of facts or hiding things from me or going and doing things behind my back in the house I live in is the same thing as lying. So, maybe you can understand why it's a little hard to trust you right now. I'm trying to trust you, but I don't let go of things easily. You should know that by now." I mean we are best friends right?

"I feel like we talked about this the other night and we were doing better now." Why because you called me twice to hang out after months of ignoring me even when in the same room as you? Sorry if I don't drop everything and jump for joy. "I feel like I try to call you and hang out but your always busy and you're never around to hang out with."

"I'm never here because I couldn't handle the way you've been treating me. I found other things to fill up my time and I'm trying to make time for you but it's hard when I haven't had to for so long." And quite frankly, don't really want to.

"You always make time for Karen. I mean you hang out with her like five times a week." So you're jealous?

"I hang out with her alot because she calls me every single day to say hi and see how I am doing." When's the last time you even asked if I was okay?

"So I'm supposed to do that?" Even if I said yes you wouldn't do it anyway. "I just want things to be how they were." And you think I don't.

"I don't think it can be the same. So what to you want to do? Wait it out? Do you have any suggestions on how to make things better?" Because really I am at a loss.

"..." If you're not going to say anything just get out.

"I guess I don't really don't know what to say." Because I don't see an easy way out of this.

She picked up her purse and pushed the door open. I could feel the hopelessness in the air. "Drive safe" she whispered. I watched her leave with out feeling much except for desperation.