I want an Oompa Loompa.

I want it now.

Have you ever stolen anything from work? How about anything of value? Here's my story.

I used to take home "Gravy" at this one place I worked. Basically, it's stealing (usually in small amounts) but in a very sly and untraceable way. I did it for a very long time (and yet have nothing to show for it). I'm not proud of it but it's the truth. Best part is: a few months after I stopped (due to moral issues), I got "taken off the schedule" because they thought I stole a big chunk of money at one time (I really didn't take it that time). I was so insulted that they thought I was that stupid I almost used "Gravy" as a defense like: "I wouldn't have just taken the money, I would have done it this way, and have done it this way. D-bags."